Christmas?

It has been difficult to get into the Christmas spirit this year. My husband and I are usually anticipating setting up the tree before the halloween decorations even go up. November 1st is our normal Christmas decorating day, we dispose of jack-o-laterns and set up the tree, but that did not happen this year. As I set up the Christmas tree last night, fussing with the lights, that would periodically work and then blink and then not work at all, I was feeling very sorry for myself. I kept thinking God, why can't anything ever go right in my life. Why don't these stupid lights work. Can you just give me a break here God?

Alas these questions were not answered concretely, but I did find myself feeling rather foolish for being so sorry for myself. I work for World Vision, each day I see the profiles of literally thousands of children around the world who, in the current global economic condition, are worried about where their next meal is going to come from. Children living with horrible sickness, unable to get the life saving medical attention they need. God's reply in conversations such as these never comes to me in words, it comes to me in the form of a profound "Aha" moment.

I will admit, we have had a string of misfortune lately. My grandmother passed away, the day we returned from the funeral my husband was fired from his job, we both got a very serious case of the flu, my flu progressed into an aggressive lung infection, Phil still doesn't have a job, I start my second job tomorrow, I am exhausted already. All those things suck, but that said, we do have a lot to be thankful for. My husband's job wasn't really that great anyway, and we are learning a valuable lesson about life on a budget, I am getting better with the help of several medications, and my new job isn't really all that difficult, and it is with a great organization, the Salvation Army, so it is going to further my career in the long run. I am thankful. And I do feel like an idiot for my little "episode" yesterday.

Things are tough all over. Feeling sorry for myself isn't going to change our circumstances. Feeling sorry for the 58 children from the developing world who died from poverty related causes while I typed this blog post isn't going to change anything either. Hard work will make a difference. Moments like this help renew my spirit, ignite my passion for creating global change and remind of the true heart of Christ. I have a reason to be hopeful, as I remember why Jesus was sent to earth all of the temporal circumstances that I am facing fade to the background where they belong, and my true calling resurfaces in the foreground. I celebrate that hope. I guess there is some intrinsic value to feeling sorry for myself after all, I learned the true meaning of Christmas. Happy Advent everyone!