Homeless

The first chapter in re-evaluating my life is making myself right before God. While church attendance does not necessarily dictate my relationship with God, in my case, it is certainly an indicator that something is not right. For the past year I have been attending church haphazardly, "church shopping" and making just about every excuse for my lack of a home church. The truth is that I have been trying very hard not to be at home in any church. Metro didn't work for me for legitimate reasons, but what about the dozen other churches that I ventured into during my "search" for a home church? I would arrive at service no more than 5 minutes before it started, sit in the back and duck out before anyone had the chance to meet me. They were either too far away, too boring, too unfriendly, too pushy, too commercial, they wasted too much paper, I always had an excuse.

The truth is that I am heart broken. I had this amazing taste of real church, real community in Xalt. I was so wrapped up in my own life, that I did not realize that Xalt was withering. The numbers were dwindling and so were the funds. A building (the basement of another church that we used Sunday evenings) was no longer feasible. As a community the decision was made to move into 2 seperate home churches. I just couldn't bare seeing Xalt as I knew it as something different, segmented. So I departed. For a time I attended an awesome little church near my home. Metro was great, but there was no one my age or life trajectory in the community. There was no connection. I was this young married kid with an invisible husband. While I felt the loss, at Xalt I never felt it was visible that my husband was not there with me. At Metro his absence was deafening.

So, with a renewed committment to find a home church, I am promising to curb my habit of finding reasons why it won't work and pray my way through my search. I still worry about whether or not I will be accepted into a faith community, in my situation some churches would not even let me participate in ministry. I made a decision, that I have not regretted for a second since. As a very strong Christian I made the decision to marry my amazing, generous and kind husband Phil, who is not a Christian. This said, I have met some adversity for this decision in main stream Christianity.

Excuses aside, I will be real about my search for a home. I will pray into each step of the journey and try not to think too much. As I search, I will blog honestly, and openly about each experience and try not to lose sight of my reason for searching. I am open to suggestions, so if you hear about a great church post me a comment and I may check it out.

Blessings, Melissa